Thursday, October 21, 2010

Oh Queens how I love thee, but I'm over you, too!

     So, your loyal Queen's girl is moving to Brooklyn. I feel slightly guilty because I have been here my whole life! I know, big deal, I'm moving like 5 miles away to Brooklyn, but mentally its a big move for me.
   Sigh of relief from all my Brooklyn amigos who never wanted to visit me in Queens. I get it. Don't worry I kept a list of who actually made the trek (points if you took the M train!). I'm taking after my dear Aunt Angelina, who on her death bead kept a written list of who came to visit her in the hospital. The purpose of the list wasn't to hold close those who visited, but rather hold a grudge against those who didn't visit. Even until the last moment a crazy old Sicilian woman can't let go!
    But I am letting go and making my life easier by moving to the Brooklyn borough, even if I am moving to Bedbug City! (Check out the Bed Bug Registry. NUTS!) Which is I guess the reason my crazy Sicilian family moved to Brooklyn in the first place, (not because of bedbugs) but to make life easier. Sicily wasn't good to them anymore, even though they held onto their traditions, like traditional Sunday dinners!
    Queens HAS NOT been good to me in the past months. My bike got stolen from right in front of my house! Okay I didn't lock it up, but still. And I got pickpocketed on the R train the other night! Julie, my wife, also born and raised in this great city scoffed at me, "A New Yorker, pickpocketed! Shame on you!"
     I didn't make it hard for them sitting there with my wallet so easily stealable in the huge open side flap pocket of my big green jacket. I was also comatose. "Them" was a talented troop of breakdancing hoodlems, doing crazy flips, nearly kicking everyone in the face while dazzling us all at the same time. If I could chose anyone to steal my wallet, it would have been them. They at least entertained me. The kicker is I gave them $1, too! After complimenting my hair and inviting all the "ladies" to their house for free cable and a king size water bed (I almost bit), they snidely said, "if anyone wants to pay us twice," then chuckled and left the train with my wallet.
     Jokes on them because I didn't have any cash in there and they tried to take $500 from my credit card like 10 times, but American Express, the biggest credit thieves in the world, protected me.
     So after my 25 minute wait for the bus today, in the rain, with no umbrella, I am happy that in a week or so I am going to be crossing a big dirty body of water, the Newtown Creek, and am going to make my life easier (quicker commute, close to my friends, close to 5 Leaves), like my grandparents did ever so long ago over the Atlantic Ocean. Brooklyn here I come! And I will make all my lovelies, especially the ones who came and visited me in Queens, a BIG HUGE SICILIAN SUNDAY DINNER! Sorry Aunt Angelina, a few generations has taken the gift of the eternal grudge out of my half Sicilian soul.


Casino Nova said...

5 miles?! I travel farther than that to get a burger.

"The purpose of the list wasn't to hold close those who visited, but rather hold a grudge against those who didn't visit."

Now that's how it's done!

Rocco Galatioto said...

Heartless girl, how could you....
I wish you great happiness in my old Borough. I may live in Queens but my heart is in Brooklyn.

Alessandra said...

Hi, first time here, the blog name made me laugh, and the posts too!

Alessandra said...

welcome to brooklyn!