RED VENDETTA CUPCAKES

Written in 2009:
   
    I am really trying hard to be positive. Most days it's easy but stress is vile and pessimism is poison and when people try to bring me down it's difficult to stay on the optimistic track.

    The first step for me is to not take things personally. Everyone is in their own emotional bubble and the negative vibes that seen directed at me are really just manifestations of craziness going on inside them.

    No one is perfect. Most people are good. I do believe that.

    But sometimes I will be having a great day, rays of sunshine all over the place, birds chirping it up and some happiness vampire will blatantly smack me in the face with a jerk stick. Now its personal. My bones tell me to smack back, fast and hard. Usually I can manage to remain calm. Cooking definitely helps. And chocolate. And wine. And pot.

    Then there are those times when a full blown vendetta is in order. This goes beyond someone just being an ass, when someone goes out of their way with your worst interest in mind and does something so blatantly dick that it's easy to never be their friend again. It's cut throat, but a good way of keeping nasties out of your path. 

   Now vendettas are definitely on the negative side of the spectrum but sometimes it just feels right. I think it comes standard when you have even a hint of Sicilian DNA; its called the "crazy chromosome" and I definitely got some of that from the Rocco. When it creeps in, what's a girl to do? Channel away those bad vibes. And the best way to do that: baking!!!

    A few people have really hurt my feelings lately. I will not disclose who they are but I will say one thing: GROW UP AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! STOP BEING COWARDS AND HAVE THE DECENCY TO COMMUNICATE! I HAVE BENT OVER BACKWARDS FOR YOU! GET OVER YOURSELF! HIGH HORSES DIE! I BET YOUR DOG STILL LOVES ME!

    Now that I got that out of the way, I am going to be baking some Red Vendetta Cupcakes. They will be bloody and viscously sweet and a way to funnel out the icky feelings that go along with carrying out a vendetta. Oh sweet vendetta, why must I suppress you?        
    Because by feeling vindictive I am actually hurting myself. They will never experience the grossness I have inside. I would rather love them and forgive them, even if they don't know it, than be hurtful back. So I am going to get abusive on my hand mixer and beat on my oven and bake the pain away and say one more thing to them: I LOVE YOU! I REALLY DO AND THATS WHY IT HURTS SO BAD THE WAY YOU HAVE TREATED ME! Talk about wearing emotions on your sleeve! I'm such a sap!

I never posted this back then. Probably because I never made those cupcakes. But today, over two years later, I ran into one of these friends. We were so happy to see each other at first sight, and he apologized. It was purely awesome. I never forgot how much it hurt to have them hate me, and its good to have them back in my life, even if it's just a short run in on the street.