Wednesday, March 10, 2010

USA vs. CANADA: they couldn't throw punches so we did

      My favorite friends are those who pull no punches, even if it leaves me with a major shiner. It almost came to that recently when Melissa told me to down my glass of Maker's then stumble up to her apartment and help her make cupcakes. I ruined the ganache, I tripped and spilled a gallon of cocoa powder all over the kitchen and into the nooks and crannies of Paul's prized record collection, then at the bar I insensitively tried to force feed a recovering alcoholic her whiskey laden cupcakes. (I still think if you are at a bar its safe to assume you can eat a freakin' cupcake!)
      All the while Melissa and I were fighting like two crazy old Sicilian ladies. Her kitchen control freak tendencies and my "its fine, who cares, they're just cupcakes?" mentality is a recipe for disaster. Why we don't have a cooking show together is beyond me? Its probably because they wouldn't be able to afford the insurance.
     So when we went to Daddy's Bar to watch the USA vs. Olympic Hockey game and Melissa asked me to help her make cupcakes again (chocolate hockey pucks), we were not surprised at our respective BF's eye-rolling and looks of concern.
     We left them to watch the game, knowing that in one way or another some craziness was about to ensue.
     I really was well-behaved. I kept my little paws in my pockets, so I couldn't mess anything up. And Melissa was her darling self, doling out expert baking advise while just throwing everything together, while I listened like a sweet wide-eyed hungry drooling puppy. What was wrong with us? This was not going to work.
     So we decided to play a little trick on the boys. The story: I was bitching to Melissa about something, not listening to her direction and saying, "Yeah I know how to do it," when I don't and in my clumsiness dropped an entire tray of cupcakes on the floor. (entirely believable). Melissa, losing her cool, then proceeds to punch me smack in the eye (scary, but also believable).
     Convenient that Melissa is also a trained make-up artist. Doesn't this look like a real shiner?
    I ran downstairs, and walked into the bar covering my eye, trying to look shocked. To conceal my laughter I nuzzled myself into Markus' shoulder and told the boys that Melissa hit me.
    Paul ran out of the bar pissed. When he got up to their place, Melissa played it off like a star and when he came back he said, "She did hit you!" He took another look, "Is that make-up?" then, "If I missed a goal I would have punched both of you in the faces!"
      Classic! And the cupcakes were as usual awesome. Thanks Melissa!


The Javelina Bomb said...


Markus said...

You forgot the part about how I, in my anger, suplexed you after Crosby scored the winning goal.